It’s a negative. 

Prometrium symptoms are a bitch. 

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Spotting

Some light spotting today. 

Even though the clinic harps on how light spotting is normal. And give you lots of info to take home about why spotting is fine. It’s hard not to freak out about that a little. 

It is definitely different. I had zero spotting on my last negative cycle. 

I’ve also noticed my boobs getting more sore as of 2 nights ago. Actually woke up to the pain (stomach sleeping was uncomfortable). And more cramping than usual in my lower belly for the past two days. I’ve also been more exhausted. But all those things can be the prometrium. Also exhaustion cause working late everyday will do that. 

So Ive been trying not to dwell on the symptoms too much. Im hopefully it’s all positive sign. I’m definitely starting to feel like I want to buy a pee stick. Just to see…. but I haven’t caved yet. Trying to wait. 

But as they say. The proof is in the beta. 

Still. I’m freaking out a little right now. 

Beta in 2 days. 

Eeeeep!

Why I want the TWW to be longer 

Hear me out. 

All my life I’ve been told repeatedly by multiple medical professionals (my parents included) that I will never have children. 

The TWW may be the only time when I can legit say I might be a little bit pregnant. 

It feels like the past 5 days since transfer have flown by. Thanks partly to a hectic work schedule and a fun packed weekend of camping to distract me (it was cold but still wonderfully relaxing). 

I know. The tww sucks. The whole not knowing thing. Really sucks. The constant yes no yes no my mind goes through every waking second is beyond suck. 

But still, in a short 3 days this could all be over and I will indeed never be pregnant. Ever. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I was maybe pregnant for a little while longer.

PUPO

And it is done. 

The transfer went well. I liked that the RE took her time to position the cather in just the right spot. It was murder on my full bladder. But I am grateful she took the time. 

They made sure to remind me how beautiful this embryo is. A 4AB. They told me twice. Ofcourse that just made me sad because if this doesn’t work then my stupid body is to blame. 

Anyway. Not focusing on that for now. 

Enjoying the next couple of days of calm. 

My acupuncturist came to the clinic and made sure I got my sessions in before and after. I loved that. Last time I had to go to her clinic because of scheduling issues. But this was way more relaxing. 

Hopefully that made all the difference. 

I asked the nurse about working out after transfer. She said that if the embryo is going to stick it will happen in the first 2 days. After that it doesn’t matter much what I do so long as it is within the range of normal for me. Which makes me feel better about taking these two days off work. And I think in some weird way I will worry less after these crucial 2 days. Because then it either is or it isn’t. 

Beta test day is sept 15. 

Till then I’m going to over analyze every little twinge. Right now I feel a heaviness in my left lower belly. Almost like a cramp. But not really. 

Probably all in my head. But one can hope. 

Decided not to pee test till beta day. Let’s see if I cave before then. 

Till the 15th. 

T-day

Day 18 lining was 0.68 (!)

I was pleasantly surprised by that. This is the best I’ve ever had. It’s not the 0.7 my brain was telling my uterus to achieve. But it’s pretty close. I’ll take it! 

Transfer day is set for Sept 6. 

I booked off work for both transfer day and the day after. My workload is insane right now. But it is what it is. I’ll figure it out. Resting is more important. 

Plan to be pretty sedentary those two days. And DH and I will probably book that camping trip for the weekend following transfer. I figure it will be a relaxing way to spend the weekend and will help keep me distracted. At least for a couple of days. 

I haven’t bought any pee sticks this time. Thinking I might not bother at all. DH says to wait for beta. I think I might do that. Or at least I won’t buy any ahead of time. If I’m desperate to pee on a stick then I will have to make the effort to go buy one at that time. Let’s see if I can hold out till beta day. 

Keeping the positive thinking going as long as I can: This cycle will work. My lining got thicker. The embryo is excellent. And my body is ready for this. I can do this!

So nervous for sept 6. 

FET protocol

Here is my protocol for this cycle and probably my last. (I still don’t like that)

The meds:

  • Estrace 2mg twice a day vaginally 
  • Sildenafil 25mg four times a day vaginally
  • Tamoxifen 20mg daily orally – day 3 to 7 only 
  • Estradot patches 200mcg change patches every 3 days 
  • Prenatal vitamins
  • Folic acid
  • Vitamin D & omega 3 daily
  • Vitamin E 800 IU daily

The other stuff:

  • Accupuncture twice a week
  • Drinking red raspberry leaf tea as much as I can. 
  • Cut back on caffeine 
  • Eat well
  • Exercise well 
  • Avoid stress (the hardest right now with work being crazy. But hey maybe if I write it down here it will come true right?)

Generally the same as the last cycle with the exception of doubling my estrace patches and adding tamoxifen. 

The goal lining is 0.65 this time (up from last times 0.6). My personal goal is to get to 0.7. 

Here’s hoping. Lining check on Aug 27.