Here is the problem with being a Type A person who like to plan ahead. It is going against every fibre of my being to not plan for having a baby. I mean I am doing what I can to ensure that we get a BFP and that it sticks. But beyond that I have not even started to prepare myself for what will come if it works.
I know life changes drastically when you have a baby. There will be no time for anything let alone time to plan. But if I start now, when I have nothing but time on my hands, I feel like I will just jinx myself. And probably will be even more disappointed if the IVF fails. I catch myself thinking about the future, and then another part of my brain says ‘don’t jump so far ahead. Lets focus on a BFP first’. But when will it be the right time to plan?
I guess most normal couples have the standard 9 months to prepare, maybe a bit less if they don’t find out till month 2 or 3. For me, even if I get a BFP, I still have a much higher risk of miscarriage. And some of the studies have shown a loss up to 20 weeks for those with a radiation damaged uterus. So do I hold off on any any sort of planning until we are past 20 weeks? That leaves us with about 4 months to prepare, if we are lucky. And that is if I don’t have any other complications, or go into premature labour, limiting the time available for planning.
So do I start reorganizing our second bedroom now to make room for baby related furniture? Do I clear out the master bedroom to make space for a possible bassinet and other baby related paraphernalia? Should I start keeping an eye on baby related products coming on sale so I can buy them and stock up? Do I start researching the big stuff like car seats and strollers so I know what I want when the time comes? Where will I store any of this stuff if I buy it? In that second bedroom I just cleared out? Will it all just become too much of a reminder of what isn’t actually there?
If I start to prepare now that means that if this doesn’t work I will have to go through the depressing task of getting rid of all the baby related stuff. That seems like it would be much harder to do than the opposite situation of being unprepared for baby on ‘short notice’. But being unprepared will probably end up costing us more since we will be desperate for things at the last minute and won’t have the luxury of time to shop around and make informed decisions.
Part of it is allowing myself to believe this is even possible for me. But even if I get over that hurdle, is being too excited is just asking for trouble?
For now I have made peace with the fact that this is one thing that is completely out of my control. If we are lucky enough to have our lives changed in the next year then I will have to rely on the help of my friends and family to get me through it and will make it all happen last minute. Thankfully I am surrounded by lots of experienced new mommies. And I have no issues with receiving hand me downs.
But I keep having to fight myself on wanting to do some preparing. So maybe we will rearrange the second bedroom this summer. At least switch from a queen bed to a single daybed so it is still a ‘guest room’, but will have the room for a baby crib etc. As for baby shopping. I doubt I will be able to buy even one baby related item for myself until well after the 20 week mark. But I might start looking up some brands to see what I like. At least if we are scrambling at the last minute we will know what to look for.