#MicroblogMonday: Bi-polar hope

Until my day 14 lining check appointment this past saturday, I was more apprehensiveness about the whole thing. It didn’t feel like this was really happening until I heard them say ‘lets plan for a thaw next weekend’.

Now my brain is processing that this is actually for real.

It is a weird feeling to be hopeful yet still fearful of the outcome. My brain goes through such random swings:

  • Ok so this is happening. Lining is 0.72. That’s crazy good for me. And chances of success are so much better than lining of 0.6.
  • Still not a lining of 0.8 or higher. So chances are not that great. Better, but not great.
  • If this all works, it is a major shift in life as we know it. Are we really ready for this? Am I ready for this? This place is so not baby proof.
  • Is anyone 100% ready? We are prepared. Plus we will have so much help from all the family and friends around us. And there is still time.
  • But will my body be able to handle the next 9 months? I don’t even know what to expect. I need to start googling these things.
  • I know I need to be careful about exerting myself and my diet. I am going to miss working out and lifting weights. And sushi. Must eat my fill of sushi this week.
  • I will still workout, just need to modify slightly. I will speak to my trainer about it.
  • But no need to tell her yet, I mean we don’t even know if the embryo is going to stick yet.
  • Do pregnant women colour their hair? Should I cancel my hair colour appointment scheduled for the end of June? Just to avoid the chemicals while I am in my first trimester?
  • No I will keep it. Chances are this first time won’t work since my body won’t know what to do. No point in being sad and having ugly roots…

And so on…

I end up going through random emotional swings in my head and then just feeling numb like I  just need to go through the motions right now, and I will have proper feelings about it once it is all over and I know the outcome.

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One thought on “#MicroblogMonday: Bi-polar hope

  1. No I don’t think anyone is ever 100% ready! Just go for it and if you do get pregnant then you can figure everything else out! I’m planning to get my hair dyed after my egg retrieval but before the transfer so roots are freshly done.

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