One thing I have started to notice more and more is the obsession with family resemblance that most people have. I don’t think most people realize how much it creeps into any discussion about babies. Literally every time a baby is in the room someone will ask, ‘so who does s/he look like? Mom or Dad?’ or ‘Oh wow s/he is a mini version of [mom/dad]!’ or some variation of the same. Every. Damn. Time. I have started to take bets with myself as to how long before someone mentions family resemblance in any group setting where babies are involved. Even when we all get together as a family, someone will say ‘so who does [my nephew] look like now?’ .
It doesn’t really bother me that much, it is more of a mild annoyance. I don’t ever ask the question myself, and I have always been very bad at guessing the answer. To me, a baby looks like itself. Always some mix of both parents’ genetic material. Can’t we just leave it at that? Obviously this is my DE-IVF persona coming through, I just don’t think that resemblance to parents matters anymore. But for the sake of keeping the peace I will play along: ‘Oh yes, totally has dads eyes’.
But what about when the baby is mine? Will it sting more? Will I tell literally every one that asks who the baby resembles: ‘Not me. It’s just good egg donor profile selection’ Or will I just
roll my eyes smile and nod politely and say, ‘probably more like dad’? I think it will be the latter. I imagine in most cases I don’t think I will want to open the door to a DE-IVF educational seminar, unless I have the time and they really need to know.
Maybe I can get a DE IVF onsie for the baby. Literally walk around with a sign to advertise the fact that any physical resemblance to mom is purely coincidental, or at least just good donor selection on the part of the parents. Will that stop people from asking the question? Probably not. I know that if this all works, that is a question I will need to get comfortable answering. How exactly I will handle it? Well, I guess I have lots of time to think about it.