Telling the In-Laws

The in-laws will be back from their winter in India in few weeks.

A few weeks ago DH did try to tell them over the phone about our decision to start DE IVF this year. Unfortunately it went something like:

DH: Mom we are going to start IVF in April to try for a baby.

MIL: What? I didn’t understand what you said. What are you doing?

DH: IVF to try for a baby.

MIL: Oh ok. Hows the weather there?

(She is a bit hard of hearing and the shody VOIP phone connection probably did not help matters.)

But even after he explained what he could, it seems they didn’t quite understand what was going on. (Probably not a conversation DH should have started on the phone. But I was not there for any of this so had little to do with how DH handled it).

Last night I had a chat with the MIL and she said: ‘AG mentioned you will be doing some procedure in April. I didn’t really understand what it is so can we talk about it when we come to visit when we are back?’

I sometimes forget that they do not have a medical background. I grew up surrounded by doctors. Both my parents are doctors. Growing up all my friends parents were doctors, and now both DH and my brother are following the same path. Add to that my long medical history and as a family our ‘basic’ understanding of modern medicine is probably a bit more advanced than most families. In comparison, telling my parents about IVF was simple, in that they understand the basics already.

So the whole IVF thing might be a little bit much to explain over the phone for the In-laws. In my opinion AG should probably have waited till we saw them in person next. But with both them and AG being away, we all might not see each other in person until the IVF cycle is well underway. So I understand why he told them when he did.

I am glad they want to talk about it. I still feel a bit awkward about it. Not so much the IVF part. But more so the DE part. I am afraid they may have a strong opinion about their son’s sperm and another woman’t egg. Maybe they will want to know who the donor is in more detail. Or they might not like our choice of donor. All of these are of course not going to change our decision, but it will make things harder for us. Again, just my overactive imagination thinking of worst case scenarios. But I need to be prepared so I know how to handle it if it happens. For now only DH and I know the details about our donor. And I think I want to keep it that way. That information will probably be shared with any future child when the time comes. But that is it. I don’t see any benefit in sharing the information with others.

So there will need to be a more detailed conversation to be had with them. It might be worth having both sets of parents together for the talk so that they all know what is happening. I would like for DH to be there too, but he is not back until mid-April, so lets see if it can wait that long.



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