We selected our donor yesterday. It’s Donor B. Yay!
After DH and I discussed the three finalists we both realized that colour didn’t matter to either of us. Her skin, eye and hair colour were the only thing holding us back. She checked every other box for us. That just didn’t make sense to either of us in the end.
She complements DH’s traits quite well. Her family history contains little to be concerned about, and in fact complements DH family history. He has diabetes and high blood pressure and cholesterol issues in the family, she does not. She doesn’t need glasses. DH does. She never wore braces and neither did he. She is studying to become a pediatric nurse and he wants to become a pediatrician. Plus we know she has two kids of her own and her egg lot has resulted in at least 2 pregnancies so far, so there should be no issues with egg quality. That is something that gives me immense peace of mind that I am giving this my best shot. I didn’t think a proven donor was important to me until I thought about that.
At the end of the day I think I would always be thinking ‘what if’ if we waited and ended up missing out. So that sealed the deal for me. And now that the decision is made I feel at peace with our decision. So I know it was the right one.
Now we wait for DEB USA to get back to us on the next steps, payment, logistics etc.
It doesn’t quite feel real yet. I know I should be excited but I also keep reminding myself that this is such a long shot for us. This is just step one. There are so many more hurdles to come that I almost don’t want to celebrate too soon. Maybe we wait till we get a few viable embryos. Or I get a uterine lining of over 0.7mm. Or perhaps we wait till we get a positive beta result. Or after the 12 week mark when risk of miscarriage is reduced. Or we wait till after delivery. I know it seems silly, but I just don’t want to jinx it right now.
I haven’t told my family yet. I don’t know if I want to just yet. It is funny how yesterday I was ok with telling the world, and today I am back to keeping this a secret for a little while longer. I just feel like getting hopeful about something is a surefire way to jinx it. I did tell my best friend R last night. She was very supportive and excited for me. She did also point out that I probably don’t want to tell my family because of the reaction I might get. Which is also true. When it comes to family, their words can cut much deeper than a strangers.
If I tell my mom we selected a donor who is a fair, redhead I feel like she might be a little disappointed that she is not going to have a purely ‘brown’ grandchild. Her first question will be, ‘wasn’t there a ‘brown’ donor’. I know it seems so racist and just silly. But it will cross her mind. Never mind that the baby will be half-brown thanks to DH. But this is how they are. I am afraid Dad will start going all religious on me and I am not ready to deal with that. As for my sister. That just feels awkward right now. I don’t have any negative feelings toward her, but it does feel a bit strange to tell someone who basically doesn’t agree that a woman should give her eggs to another woman that I am taking another woman’s eggs. I told her about the ED search process last week and it just felt awkward. Of course, I don’t have any reason to believe any of this will happen. It is just in my head.
DH told his mom yesterday as well. But her reaction was lukewarm at best. It was more like:
DH: Mom we are doing IVF this year.
Mom: Oh ok. How is the weather over there.
He thinks she might not have understood completely what he was saying. It was a phone conversation with a bit of a time difference so maybe she was still sleepy? She does have a tendency to mishear us on the phone a lot. (They are snowbirds so spend much of the winter in India). We will discuss again when I am home as well. I am not looking forward to that conversation either.
I guess I am ok to tell strangers where I can hide behind by computer screen. But face to face conversations with people that are close to me are a no-no. I need to figure out why that is.