As of right now, we have managed to cull down our ‘favourite’ list of egg donors to 3 top contenders. All three are well educated, or on their way to finishing their education at a post secondary level. But that is where their similarities end. These three women are all over the map in terms of their looks, genetics and ‘intentions’ sections on their profiles.
My biggest concern is that one of them has been flagged as a carrier for a certain disease. Lets call her Donor A. While it is very rare and DH is unlikely to be a carrier, we of course will need to get him tested to be sure. When I asked my clinic coordinator if we should get him tested before we select a donor, at first they seemed to down play the need. The coordinator advised that once we had selected a donor we could do the testing and if they were not a match, we could switch donors.
While that seems to work in theory, that does not work for me. Basically, it a very clinical way of looking at things. Unfortunately when dealing with human emotions such as, oh I don’t know, choosing 50% of the genetic basis for a future offspring, that might be something that needs to factored into the equation. I politely explained to the coordinator that I did not want to get my heart set on a donor, pay the fees (not an insignificant sum), and then find out we have to start again because of an incompatibility in DH’s own profile. Lets skip that messiness and just test him now so we know what to stay away from at the start. I wish they had discussed this with us at our initial appointment so we could have started considering it then.
The coordinator agreed to let DH complete his genetic testing now, and they are providing us with a requisition so that DH can get his tests done soon. The genetic profiling is called a Counsyl panel and will cost us $400. It is the same testing that the ED’s go through. On the Counsyl website it says results can take up to 3 weeks. So hopefully by mid March we have our results and can take a step toward finalizing a donor.
Of course that now means that the three short listed candidates may no longer be in the running by the time we are ready to make a decision.
Alternatively we save the $400 now, and just select a donor that doesn’t have any genetic flags on her profile. Donors B and C fall into this category.
So I guess the decision is whether we feel it is necessary to get the genetic testing done now or not. And that depends on how we feel about Donor A, with a flag on her records.
Until yesterday I thought she was the one. But today I am not sure. I almost feel one of the other two are a better fit.
Donor A is pretty, has similar skin tone and physical features and size as me, even though we are both not of the same heritage. Her educational background is decent and I liked her personality that came through in some of her answers. Both DH and I like her. But her genetic profile gives us pause.
Donor B seems to be what I want in terms of personality and educational aptitude. She is definitely the smartest of the three donors. She is a proven donor, and currently has 2 pregnancies that are ongoing from her previous egg lots. But in terms of looks she is the total opposite of me. I mean her height, face and eye shape are all similar, but that’s about it. She is very fair, with red hair and blue eyes. Gorgeous. But so not me. I am brown all round. Brown hair, eyes and skin. That being said, her family seems to have predominantly brown haired people as well. Skin tones vary as well since she is a mixed race. So there is a chance that when mixed with DH’s very brown genes we will still end up with a pretty brown baby.
Donor C is of similar heritage to both DH and I. But her academics are not as strong. And in terms of looks she is a a bit average compared to the other two who are both gorgeous. Plus her genetic profile is squeaky clean.
So as of right now, I almost want to just select Donor B and skip DH’s genetic testing since there are no red flags in her profile. DH and I will discuss this further but that is how I feel right now. So after all that maybe we don’t need to get DH tested after all.
Sometimes I feel like I am kind of cheating. I mean I feel like I am using the selection criteria to choose a genetic pot that I wouldn’t normally have access to. Like I personally think a mixed race baby with brown skin and light eyes would be gorgeous. And so does that mean I am gravitating towards those profiles that can give me a chance of that rather than sticking to someone who would give us a purely ‘brown’ baby. But then I justify that by telling myself there are so many other factors that also come into play, I am not just choosing based on looks. They are a factor, but not the only factor.