So is this supposed to be like online dating?

It feels weird.

We started looking in the DEB USA database last night. Not surprisingly, options are limited for a south east asian donor right now. Two to be exact. Neither of them get me too excited though. So lets see what the next few weeks of searching brings us.

It feels weird though. Looking at these womens’ profiles and judging them. It feels rude to dismiss someone because she says she only completed high school. Or has ‘some college’ (I’m thinking: drop out?). Obviously most of these women donate for the money. Their situation may not have allowed them to go to college or university. And many do say they want to go back to school and have some admirable aspirations. So it just feels wrong to judge them on so little. But I guess that’s the process.

In terms of search criteria, I don’t feel the need to find someone who looks like me. For me right now I think it is more important to find someone smart (both DH and I are professionals with graduate degrees so I would want someone who is following a similar path). I also want someone with a similar personality to mine rather than her eye or hair colour. For some reason that is what resonates with me.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling when looking through the egg bank with AG. It is interesting to see what his priorities are over mine. I am not to fussed about looks, whereas he is super picky. Our list of ‘favourites’ are all over the map. From an irish red head to a hawaiian brunette. But none of them feel right yet. Is that how it is supposed to feel? Or is it more like when you are dating and you meet the right person and it just clicks? Am I waiting to feel that click?

In general though it is a strange feeling to have to look at a women and judge her for her eggs. It feels wrong in a ‘you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover’ sort of way. But I know that is exactly what we need to be doing here. Looks are important, as are the genetic markers.

This morning I spoke with the DEB USA agent. I let her know what we are looking for, she seemed to think that there may be one or two more that might come up that are in our ball park in terms of heritage. She said she would put a note in the file and the coordinator will then know what to look for and can call if something comes up. I really hope that something does come up that is exactly what we are looking for.

And so the search begins.





One thought on “So is this supposed to be like online dating?

  1. Good luck. This was a very hard time for me. First I wanted Asian, cause my husband is half Korean. That was near impossible and everyone else (husband, parents, therapist, agencies) highly recommended picking someone who looked like me, not my husband, at least for race. We prioritized not having the donor have any of the same health issues in her family as my husband has in his (anxiety, auto immune and alcoholism). Then we tried to pick someone smart (we found someone with a two year graduate degree and a good career) and someone who was doing it for both altruistic and financial reasons. We liked her answer to the “why do you want to do this” questions. We did not need a proven donor but some people prefer that. And yes, we did wait till we found one that just felt right. I must have looked at 300+ and some were fine and backups etc but when we saw this profile we both though “wow that’s our girl” then someone else had already picked her the week before but we were willing to wait the two months for her to become available again

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