#MicroblogMonday: The one that isn’t so micro

Totally cheating. There is nothing micro about this post.

A few things happened this past week that basically made it my week from hell.

The week started off with a meeting called by the condo owners of the condo I live in. I am on the board along with two other owners. This being a newly formed condo the first year is ripe with issues including some serious budgeting issues we inherited from the builder of our condo. As a board we decided to raise fees so that we are not operating in a deficit. Suffice to say, people don’t like paying more money and thought we needed to be voted off.

Personally, this is a volunteer position and I spend way too much time correcting our incompetent condo management team’s job. We even had them replace the manager since she was really f-ing things up. Which likely was a part of the general discontent. If the majority voted me out. I would not have any problem with it and would welcome the free time. However, the reasons for the vote were based on rumors and lies spread by one angry owner (he accused board members of violating rules which none of us have done). So on principle it just didn’t make sense to let him win.

Anyways. The small group of angry owners thought that by calling for a vote they could boot us off. Unfortunately for them, they also needed over 50% votes in their favour and only 25% of owners even bothered to show up (the voting requirements are all set out according to provincial legislation – not one owner at the meeting was aware of this). Also at the meeting it became apparent that the reasons for the meeting were based on lies spread by the instigator and a few owners came to the board’s defense. In the end the meeting was a complete waste of everyone’s time and money all thanks to a handful of owners who called the meeting without knowing the rules. A small win for us, but unlikely to really change the minds of those that are unhappy.

It was a brutal meeting.

Next up my husband found out the results of his exam that would basically determine if he is applying for residencies this year. He failed. Unfortunately, this means he misses the cut off for residency applications for this cycle, and we need to wait another year until the next cycle.

On top of it all the poor guy had another exam scheduled for this Saturday. In general he is not great at taking exams. He gets some serious anxiety and tends to choke. See above exam results. When doing practice exams he was scoring well above what his actual results are. It is incredibly frustrating for him and doesn’t help his self esteem Im sure.

So he decided to take a break from studying (he’s been going non stop for over 2 years now) and just take a few months off to regroup. He is also going to see someone about the anxiety, which I am really happy about. I honestly believe that is what is preventing him from doing well. He has all the knowledge in his brain, he just needs to calm his mind during an exam so he can access it.

It sucks that this sets us back by a whole year. It means we continue on my one income for one more year than expected. And it will make paying for IVF next year a bit harder to achieve since we don’t have his income to help offset the costs. That being said, his mental health is important and that comes first. It is a minor setback in the grand scheme of things.

And then I finally had a chance to start to have the IVF planning talk with him this weekend. In the past few months it has been hard to have this chat with him since he has been so focused on exams.Now that exams are no longer a concern and he is taking a break, we can start talking about what we both want. In the past most conversations would start with me approaching the subject, and him making a joke about kids being annoying/too much work/he is enough of a kid for the both of us etc. Most of the time I agree and would joke along with him.  But I finally told him we needed to really talk about this.

In the end, he feels that spending over $30,000 on something that is not guaranteed is just a waste. And I do agree with him. But my heart keeps saying that if there is a remote chance, I need to give it a try. At least then I can say I gave it my all, and if then it doesn’t work, then that is what is meant to be for us. He says we should spend the money on adoption instead. From a practicality standpoint it makes sense. Except my heart isn’t in it. I feel like if IVF is out. Then having kids is out for me.

Even if my lining barely makes it to 0.7mm, even if we have no way of knowing if the embryo’s will even stick, or that my uterus can handle it all. I still feel that if there is a small chance of this working, then we need to give it our all.

So the issue is still unresolved. He is obviously worried about the money and to him that is reason enough not to try. He has always been the frugal one, and it is one of the reasons why we work because I am not as easily swayed by financial concerns. But I cant agree with him on this one. I is just too big an issue to just give up. I also believe that with him taking a break and delaying residency for one more year, this is making him even more conscious about the money we will be spending so it won’t make it easier to get him to agree to a $30,000 expenditure.

In the end nothing has really changed yet. We are still waiting for IVF funding date. Waiting for my sister to wean her son off breast milk. And now I am waiting to have one more conversation with DH about IVF to see if we can both get on the same page.

He’s finishing up his clinical rotation out of town at the end of the month then he will be home for a few months. I hope we can really talk about this and figure out what we both want. We should probably also have a conversation with my sister about her plans once again so we can understand their timeline too and how it impacts ours.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “#MicroblogMonday: The one that isn’t so micro

  1. Wow. That’s so much going on. That’s too bad about your husband having to wait another year. And the IVF talk… that’s so hard when two people aren’t on the same page. We are on one income now and have three frozen embryos. We talk about doing the transfer in a little over a year from now (when our daughter is over 2 years). (Donor egg Mama here, who flew across the country to get pregnant!), but yeah.. the money thing.

  2. I’m really sorry you’re going through all this right now. $30,000 is so much money, and adoption is a big deal, so you both need to be on board with whatever you decide. I realised that this is when the whole idea of compromise in a relationship truly comes into play. Most couples never have to deal with things on this level, so be kind to yourself, and to each other.

  3. I am so sorry…that’s a lot to take in at once. I agree with Risa that it’s hard when you’re not on the same page, but also with Mali that it’s so important to be kind to yourselves when weighing all these options that most people don’t have to ever seriously consider. Thinking of you.

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