By the numbers

$338.87. That is how much the Viagra suppositories will cost for 1 cycle (21 days supply). The icing on the cake: that amount will not be covered by my drug insurance benefits. That along with the fact that I have exhausted my insurance benefits for acupuncture for this year, means that this next cycle is going to be painfully expensive for a very low pay off (not even the chance of a BFP in sight).

I thought it might be helpful to go over the cost of a mock cycle so far.

So far the cost of 1 cycle (in Ontario, Canada):

  • Estrace Pills & Estradot Patches: $13 (subsidized by my drug insurance benefits)
  • Viagra (Sildenafil) suppositories (for 21 days): $ 334
  • Acupuncture appointments (approx 6 @$60 ea): $360 (not subsidized, next year it will be subsidized at 80%)
  • Transportation for lining check appointments (Walk 1 way, and take the subway 1 way so I am back within my lunch hour): $10
  • Vitamin E pills: $17.00 (3 months supply)-$5.60/month
  • Omega 3 supplement: $30.00 (1.5 months supply) – $20/month
  • Prenatal Vitamins: $60.00 (4 months supply) -$15/month
  • Pomegranate Juice (approx. $5 every 2 days for 21 days): $50

Total cost for next cycle (approx): $810 (that’s Canadian Dollars)

This is before any actual IVF costs are factored in. That I will find out in August at my follow up with Dr. Go. I am hoping for our first cycle to be a government funded cycle so the costs may not be very different next year.



Next steps

Had my follow up with Dr. Go today.

He checked my lining again. 5.6. (Proving that each person reads these things differently. Where did the 0.1 go in 5 days?)

But he seemed optimistic. He said this was positive since I did better that my previous cycles. He suggested we go for one more cycle with the addition of viagra  suppositories to see if that makes a difference.

Also in the meantime he wants me to come in for a proper follow up and next steps appointment where we talk about how to start a proper govt funded cycle. He also suggested I can bring my sister in so we can chat with her about the process. Eventually she will be referred to her own physician. But for now he can explain the process to us both.

The current wait for a funded cycle is 1 year. So at best we would be looking at a summer 2017 transfer. So might as well get in line now if we can. He seemed to think this was the natural next step. Which is the exact opposite reaction to a lining under 6mm than I would expect.

So looks like we are still in the game.

Next steps:

  1. Start provera and continue for 7days and wait for day 1 to start new cycle.
  2. Follow up to discuss IVF and OHIP funded cycle process booked for August 4.

Here’s to another month…with a bit more success!


So yeh.

Some improvement. But not amazing either. Day 33 of taking estrace and estradot and I managed a whopping 5.7.

It’s still thicker than ever before so there is that.

My regular RE is on vacation this week so he had a colleague check my lining. The substitute RE recommended I continue with status quo and see if regular RE wants to try for one more cycle. In case having one more period will help get things even more primed up.

I guess that is possible. I would really like to push to try the viagra suppositories too. Lets see what Dr. Go says on Tuesday.

Back in to see him Tuesday. Lets see what 5 more days of estrogen can do. Gonna go drink some extra pom juice now and chug the rasberry leaf tea.

Next appointment is Tuesday. Stay tuned.

Choose your own blog

Remember the choose your own adventure books that were so popular when you were in grade school? I do. Loved them. I used to spend hours working through the different permutations of the story so that I could experience all the different paths offered. As a kid, I always thought that was a brilliant way to tell a story. (Maybe some connection can be drawn between that and my control issues).

So as a nod to those choose your own adventure books, I decided to make this post a ‘choose your own blog post’ post. I figure it’s a great way to get random thoughts out there without having to make it all flow. Kinda like putting a few microblogs all in one place. Who knows. Maybe I will do this on the regular?

So here goes. There are three blog posts to choose from this week (scroll down to the relevant title to read all about it, read none, or read all three. Your call!):

  1. There’s a black bird in my living room
  2. Anticipation
  3. Face-palm

1. There’s a black bird in my living room

That was the text I received from DH while on my way home from work. Followed by a video of the bird in front of a mirror on the mantle:

(He has been in Michigan for a clinical rotation for work for the last few weeks. He has 2 roommates. None of whom own birds.)

I burst out laughing. Honestly, this is classic DH. Random things happen to him on a daily basis that make us both laugh at his luck.

He had been up in his room and came down to grab some dinner and heard something in the living room. When he went to check it out it, he saw the bird. Just hanging out on the mantle.

He emailed his landlord. Made a half ass attempt to get the bird out (I’m pretty sure he did nothing). Then went back to his room, leaving it in the living room. He didn’t have a clue how to get rid of it, so did the typical ‘just ignore the problem and it will go away’ thing.

Apparently, one of the roommates got it out eventually. And the landlord was mad at all of them for allowing a bird to get in in the first place.

Nobody knows how it got in or how long it was there. But so far it has not come back. So random.

2. Anticipation

Lining check today.

Sore boobs for a month. Itchy privates. Estrogen-blue stained pee and undies (panty liners cover only so much). A pimple on my face every week. General all around chubbiness.

Yeh. The anticipation was awesome. A real treat. Going to miss it.

Said no women ever.

3. Face-palm. 

7 things that are harder to get than an assault rifle. 


giphy (1)



#notinmyname #prayfororlando

I am not an American. I do not live in a country where I have a ‘right to bare arms’. So I cannot even begin to understand why so many still think that it is necessary to have the right to be able to purchase an AR-15 along side bread and milk. But until last year in America, you could. You still can purchase a variety of guns at your local Wal-Mart. You may have to fill out a few forms, or just skip that whole process by going to a gun show for your ammunition purchasing needs.

When a person shows outward signs of aggression, or being ‘not quite normal’. Most people just ignore it or avoid it. I am guilty of that too. I walk by a few everyday on my way to work. They are sitting there, talking to themselves, or yelling at something or other. No one approaches them or offers them any help. Then when something like Orlando happens everyone is shocked. How could this happen? Didn’t anyone notice? What if they did something about it?

Needless to say, the Orlando Massacre has me reeling. It is difficult to comprehend how this could happen. So many factors all lead up to this perfect storm. And I really do hope that more is done to prevent this from happening again, rather than trying to place blame or letting anger dictate the reaction.

This post showed up on my Facebook feed yesterday. The words hit home for me, so I want to repeat them here:

“How about we treat every young man who wants to buy a gun like every woman who wants to get an abortion — mandatory 48-hr waiting period, parental permission, a note from his doctor proving he understands what he’s about to do, a video he has to watch about the effects of gun violence, an ultrasound wand up the ass (just because). Let’s close down all but one gun shop in every state and make him travel hundreds of miles, take time off work, and stay overnight in a strange town to get a gun. Make him walk through a gauntlet of people holding photos of loved ones who were shot to death, people who call him a murderer and beg him not to buy a gun.
It makes more sense to do this with young men and guns than with women and health care, right? I mean, no woman getting an abortion has killed a room full of people in seconds, right?”

But then again I am not an American. So what do I know.


My friend, R, who had a molar pregnancy recently called me last night to chat. We’ve been texting back and forth since she found out and it’s been nice for both of us to talk about what each of us is going through.

She is on a pregnancy moratorium for the next year to ensure that the molar pregnancy cells don’t return as cancer. She recently had an IUD inserted to ensure no accidental pregnancies occur. She’s bummed about that part. But it is what it is and she is making the best of the situation. Shes a trooper! Love her!

It is funny how we are both unable to conceive for completely opposite reasons right now.

I’ve been keeping her updated on my mock cycle and the hope that this will allow us to move on to IVF with DE soon. I mentioned that my sister has said she will donate her eggs, but that I was worried she might be saying yes to something she doesn’t really fully understand just yet. And of course her husband has a say in this as well. Even though everyone is on board right now it is still too early to know for sure.

At the end of the day my sister will be taking some risks for something that is absolutely not necessary. So I am fully prepared to switch gears if she or her husband decides that they don’t want to go through with this. It will suck. But it will be OK. Her health and family comes first. I get that.

Then my dear sweet friend said she would give me hers. No problem. (After her doctors give her the go ahead of course). She said she has even spoken with her husband about it and he is on board with it too. She even offered to donate this summer since she will be in town visiting her parents!

So there you go. I got eggs coming out the yin yang and no uterus to put them in.

I don’t think anything is happening this summer. For one, the wait list at my clinic for a government funded IVF is about 6 months right now. Second,  I will barely have my mock cycle results by the end of this month. Let alone have to go through another cycle before August. Finally, and most importantly, neither potential donor fully understands the process they are potentially signing up for.

So realistically, whether I use my sister’s eggs or R’s, nothing is actually going to happen until next year. And any decisions of whose eggs to use will all be made towards the end of this year. After my uterus cooperates of course.

That being said, it is wonderful of her to offer to help so freely. I am truly touched that she would still offer even though she is going through so much. It is wonderful to have such close friends.

Selfish me wants to take all the eggs I can’t get from both so I can have lots of chances (I fully expect to loose a few along the way. (The risks are just too high with my Dx). But I know that is just not a realistic scenario.

I told R what I have told my sister too: One step at a time. None of the egg stuff matters if the mock cycle doesn’t work. So let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But I am happy that I have the options available to me. It is one less worry which is always nice when dealing with so many unknowns.

5.3 – On CD18 (!)

Not the over 6.0 I was hoping for, but definitely much higher than I have ever been before on CD 18 and thicker than the thickest lining in my last cycle. So looks like I was not crazy to be feeling the hormones working (or maybe I was, and that is the point).

Anyways, I have been instructed to keep at it for the next two weeks and go back in on the 23rd (CD 34) to see if we see any further progress. While I don’t like the thought of being on these hormones for so long, I am hoping that after CD 34 I will have a final verdict and that will be it until the real deal (if the result is positive).

Unfortunately that means continuing my nasty pomegranate cocktails and general discomfort for another 16 days. Ugh.