Fertile Struggles

One of my besties messaged me yesterday to let me know she has just found out she has a molar pregnancy.*

She was almost into month 4 of her pregnancy. She had no idea until her first ultrasound appointment this week since the symptoms of a molar pregnancy mimic that of a normal pregnancy (i.e. blood tests,  physical symptoms etc. will all indicate a normal pregnancy). It’s one hell of a nasty trick played by the body. And honestly nobody deserves this.

Last we spoke she was being scheduled for an emergency D&C.

She is taking it like a trooper. But needless to say this is incredibly sad news and I am absolutely heartbroken for her. This ‘fertile’ has had a tough go. Her first son was born with down-syndrome when she was 29. That came as a surprise since she was not in the high risk category and it was not expected. She changed her whole life to care for her son. We were both career driven, and she is now a stay at home mom. When they were ready to grow their family a few years later, she miscarried. Her second child was born healthy a few years later, and is doing well. This would have been her third.

I am at a loss as to what I can do for her. I live in a different province so can’t even offer to babysit while she recovers. She says she doesn’t morn the loss of something that was never there. But it was there. Or at least the idea of it was. And it can’t be easy. Loss is never easy, no matter the circumstances.

I haven’t heard from her today and I don’t know if I should reach out just yet. Do I give her time to process this loss, and recover from her D&C? Or do I call her? What do I say? She knows all about my fertility struggles. She has even offered me her eggs if I need them. She is like a sister to me. If we lived close I would have offered to go over and babysit or cook for them while she recovers. But she is half way across the country. What can I do? I just feel absolutely helpless.

*A molar pregnancy is a weird complication where an embryo, due to a problem in the genetic material,  stops developing into a fetus, but keeps growing as a mass of cells. Almost like a cancerous growth. It can become very serious if not removed right away,or if cells get left behind and keep growing. Normally treated with a D&C and careful monitoring to ensure no further complications develop.



One thought on “Fertile Struggles

  1. How awful for your friend. I am so sorry — I’m sure being there over the phone is helpful to her, even if you can’t be there in person. This is so true: “he says she doesn’t mourn the loss of something that was never there. But it was there. Or at least the idea of it was.” Maybe it’s a coping mechanism to think of it as something that was never “real.” I hope she has an uncomplicated case and has no further issues, so that she can try again if she’d like. You are a good friend to her, even if you can’t be there in person. Maybe you can send her something through the mail that would be helpful?

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