The day something just clicked.

Warning: This one is going to be about the day my wonderfully fertile sister gave birth to her first baby. He is my parents’ first grandchild. My nephew, whom I adore.

December 1, 2015. It was the usual Tuesday at work for me. Tuesday’s are meeting days so after a morning full of department meetings I was catching up to emails at my desk around 4:30pm when a whats.app message popped up on my phone. It was my brother-in-law, T messaging our family group chat: “We have lift off. (My Sister) being checked into the hospital for delivery”. Immediately my mom called me and asked when I would be going to the hospital.

I had another hour of work and then an hour commute. But I was also scheduled to attend our condo board meeting (I am on the board) that evening. I wouldn’t be available until after 8pm. This being my sister’s first child, we reasoned that it would be a while before she actually delivered. So there was no rush to go see her. Mom and dad would head over around 6:30pm. I would head over as soon as my meeting wrapped up that evening.

I told my coworker that I might be late coming in the next morning since my sister just went into labour and it might be a late night of waiting to meet the little one (we didn’t know if it was a boy or girl at this point).

I caught my usual train back home. The messages kept coming. She was doing well. Anesthesiologist giving her the epidural. She was comfortable. T going to grab some dinner from the hospital cafeteria.

I got home by 6:30. Quickly scarfed down a banana and grabbed my things to head to the meeting.

As I walked into the meeting room my phone buzzed. Baby boy born at 7pm. Mommy and baby doing well. Oh man! I missed it. I always thought I would be at the hospital when it happened. I’d be one of the first to see the baby. But here I was at this meeting.

I explained to everyone at the meeting that my sister had just had her first child and that I would be leaving early if things went too long. They all congratulated me and we proceeded with the meeting.

By 7:45pm it seemed that we were close to wrapping up the meeting, so I excused myself and off I went to grab DH, the care package of things for baby and mommy, and headed to the hospital. Thankfully it was only 15 mins away. Mom and dad had arrived earlier and T’s family was on their way.

My sister was in the hallway sitting in a wheelchair with her back to me. IV line with saline still attached. She was in the middle of being moved from the delivery room to her hospital room. She was waiting for staff to prep her room and wheel her over. One of the doctors happened to know my dad and was chatting with him and T at one end of the hall.

I rushed over to her, and there he was in her arms. All bundled up, this little round white face with a thick tuft of dark black hair. His big black eyes taking in his new world. I started to speak but immediately my eyes welled up and my voice cracked. Where was this coming from? Just this overwhelming feeling of happiness, pride, excitement and love. It was literally pouring out of my eyes. I hugged my sister and kissed her. She started tearing up as well. We were laughing and crying. And I had no idea why.

About 9 months of waiting for this little guy. I had been excited to meet him, happy for my sister and T. But I didn’t actually FEEL anything until that moment. In that moment something just clicked. It’s like something had been unlocked. It was the moment I realized that maybe I too wanted to this. This feeling of happy-proud-excited-love with my own little bundle in my lap.

So here we are. Over a decade of telling myself that I really didn’t want or need to have a baby of my own. That life was much simpler with just the two of us and our fur baby. Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

And so here we are.

 

 

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