Fertility=Eggs+Uterus+Tubes+Lining+Sperm+Overall health

Had my final verdict appointment today.

“It doesnt look good im afraid. Not good. Like, you might want to consider adoption, not good”

Thats what the doc said.

At least he is being honest. No point in raising false hopes where there shouldnt be any.

So, turns out in the fertility formula we have 5/6 (presuming we are using donor eggs and dont need my own tubes and eggs to function). But apparently that is just not good enough.

What we are missing is the lining. I just cant get it up past 0.4. Why? It could be the adenomyosis (lining that sheds outside of the uterine wall) or the fibroids. Both of these reduce the blood flow to the uterus which promotes a thick lining. The fibroids we can take care of but the adenomyosis not so much.

Even if we could get it up to 0.5. Dr. H says he tried this with another women who had a very difficult time even getting the baby to term. She experienced placental abruption (when the placenta detaches from the uterus) and lost a lot of blood (like almost died alot). Not fun.

So even if I could get my lining to 0.5. And even if we could get a zygote (fertlilized egg) to attach itself to said lining. I would be in for a very tough time getting the thing to term without harming either myself or the baby.

Dr.JH did recommend that I speak with Dr. Glei.cher in new york at CHR regarding the use of Neupogen to promote a thicker lining. Apparently Dr. G is in the midst of a studying the effects of Neupogen on lining development and will be publishing his results next year. If anyone can help thicken a lining it is this guy. So Dr. H has referred me to call him regarding this.

I mentioned to Dr. H about calling CCRM in Colorado. He had nothing but good words for the clinic itself. But said that they would likely make me go through the same rigamarole that Dr. H did to build up a lining, and may be inclined to try a transfer even if the lining isnt optimal because they get so invested in me and the whole process. I can see that happening. I may even be inclined to say lets give it a try. But the reality is we are fighting a very difficult battle here. Is it worth the time, effort and considerable expense to do something that is more likely to fail than work.

So I will call Dr. G in new york. See what he says about the use of Neupogen. I am not hopefull. It did absoloutely nothing for me. So I dont see him coming up with any sort of breakthrough that will change my life. I dont think we will call CCRM anymore. I belive Dr. H is right. They will try their best, but they wont do anything much different from what Dr. H did. So really is it worth the time and expense? At this point. I dont think so.

DH and I have decided to explore adoption in 2015. For now I will focus on work and he needs to focus on med school. Once he is into residency we can seriously consider adoption.

Overall though DH has been good about this. He has always been ready for adoption and at the moment is happy to be child free. Bless his heart. He is a god send for sure. So perfect for me in so many ways. But it still really bothers me that we can just be…normal.

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