Stumped

‘not enough’ that is what my lining level is at today. That is what dr. G said when he saw me this morning. He said he would have to make some calls, and ask a few people and someone would call me with what to do next.

I have successfully stumped the expert doctor. That deserves some sort of recognition don’t you think?
It also confirms what I knew all along: that this was not going to be easy. I am also accepting that it might never happen. Which is fine too. Adoption has always been on the table. But I’m just really lazy to put that effort into starting that whole process just yet. Maybe soon. Who knows.

4.4

Yep. So it’s going up again. But slowly. This time round reminded me why I don’t think I will be staying with Isis if I do decide to go with an ivf cycle.

7:00am – I show up for my ultrasound. Receptionist seems to know me now. She doesn’t ask for my name any more. Just nods and smiles.
7:03am – get called into the changing rooms. Drop trou and lie on the bed.
7:10am – back in the waiting room. Wait for nurse to call me in to see the doctor.
7:45am – I walk up to the nurse reception and tell her I have to leave for work and can she just have the nurse call dr. G and call me in what I am supposed to do. Nurse says she will slot me in to see dr. Lee. Should have walked out right then. (this was the same doc that screwed up my last cycle) But decided to see the doc.
7:50 – dr walks in with a trolley to hold up his tablet. ( the same on that doesn’t have my records in it). He stares at it for a bit. Mumbles that it’s at 4.4. I tell him that my records are actually on a sheet and walk out if the room. I can only assume it was to go find this sheet. Since he left the tablet in the room.
8:00 – I had had enough. I walked out. Dr was nowhere to be seen. I told the nurse to call me after speaking with dr. G. She said she would make a note in my file.
8:30 – on my train to work just to be safe, I emailed the nurse who was in touch with me before this all started and let her know what happened. And to let me know what I need to do.
4:50 – Get an email back saying stay on the 12mg a day and come In on Monday when dr. G is in the clinic.

So here we are. Until Monday.

wtf?

So on Saturday (3rd Mar) I measured in at 0.53. Not bad, but still not enough. So off I went, keep em going till Tuesday…

Today I measure in at 0.36. Say wha?! How is that even possible? The doctor (Goodrow this time) decided to ramp it up and add 1mg to each dose. So that makes it 3mg of estrace 4 times a day. 2 doses orally and 2 doses vaginally. Thank goodness the pills are tiny…cause thats a lot of pills to be shoving up my vag!

Back in again on Friday. Which is day 28 of my cycle but who’s counting really? :s This will be one mother of a period when im done…considering I’ve never had an actual period. Ever. I really hope Friday is the last of it. This is getting very tiring.

Fate or fortune?

I am not a religious person. I am not an atheist either. I believe there is something bigger than us. A higher power as they say. But what I struggle with is whether we are slaves to our fate, or if we make our own fortune through all the choices that we make.

Was it my fate to be born with a genetic blood disorder that gave me a life expectancy of twenty years, at best. Or was it my fortune to be born into a family of doctors, where I could get the medical attention I needed and ensure I received the bone marrow transplant that would save my life. Was it fate that my sister was born with bone marrow that matched mine, when my parents could not match. Was it fortune that my parents chose to take me to the primer facility pioneering in bone marrow transplantation to give me a chance at a ‘normal’ future aends increase my chances of success.

Was it fate that made me incapable if conceiving a child? Or am I supposed to make my own fortune here as well, and find other ways to make it happen. On the one hand I do believe our future is written. But with the same breath I would also agree that sometimes that fate can be changed. Am I doing that now? Am I trying to change my fate? Am I going too far?

Should I just let things be and play with hand that god has dealt me?

0.47. Gah!

Good? Bad? I dont know! A little bit of (a) and a little bit of (b) I guess.

The good. It’s still going up. The bad. It is going up way too slowly.

This time the doctor took a good 5 minutes to locate my chart. He starts going on about my ovaries not showing anything. And yet again I start telling him about doing a lining check cause my ovaries are busted. He quickly realized that I am only here for a lining check (pretty sure Ive told them this a gajillions times by now), and that my file is not in the electronic tablet they carry around, but my lining numbers are actually recorded on a slip of paper by hand, and kept in the physical file. (I overheard the other doctor, who saw me two day earlier, tell him about this. She remembered my name and what I was there for. Thank god she was in too!)  Oh and the last time I came in on Day 15…the nurse failed to update the sheet. Fantastic.

So anyways, this doc decided he would update it in front of me, recording the lining number and the dosage. Which is a good thing because now I know what to tell them to look for in my file. I wish I could just carry the file with me so there is no more confusion. This guy says he wants me back on Saturday to see if it goes up any more. Apparently Dr. G is the doctor for Saturday so hopefully I get my consult with him out of the way and we can make a decision about this dang lining.

Good stuff.