A little something special for a little someone special

I know, two posts in one night?! I guess I am a binge blogger.

Nov 5th, 2011, my cousin and his wife had their gorgeous baby girl. Named after her great grandmother (my grandmother) whose birth date was Nov 6. It is all quite poetic really. She is lovely. And for those that are keeping track this is that same baby that I was mad about oh about 9 months ago. I am far from bitter. Seeing babies has a funny way of making people turn to mush. It is a dangerous thing. My mother is in high ‘I want a grandchild’ alert. Im sure my sister and her husband are gearing up too. There is the other baby that was born to another cousin of mine 8 weeks prior that doesn’t make things any easier.

I was ready to give up on baby making. I am still unsure if I should even try. But seeing babies clouds my judgement and makes me want to try again, no matter what the cost.

It does not help that I have been let go at work, and will be unemployed as of Jan 31. I am hopeful that I will find something soon enough. However the uncertainty about the future is quite depressing. Not having money, makes it an easy decision. I guess we aren’t even considering the baby thing for another few years at least. The timing is just not right. Its not like I was in a rush. But I don’t like being restricted like this.

In the meantime I shall enjoy the baby boom we have. I have crochet a few pretty headbands for the little one. A little something special for a little someone special. I do look forward to playing with her, and watching her grow.
I got the idea from here

I might also attempt a fuzzy teddy bear hat. Ill let you know how that goes. Hooray for unemployment.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Ok so I have been MIA for a while now. Mostly because I have been quite bitter about the past experience I had at ISIS, and I just didnt want to talk about it. I guess I am over it now and can talk. But I am still steaming.

Here goes:

In August I went through another ‘pretend’ cycle with a stronger dosage of estrogen to see if I could produce a lining. This was discussed with Dr. G, and he said I should call back to speak to nurse about the drug protocol. Ok, sounds good.

I called in to the clinic and explained that I lived really far away and coming in to speak to a nurse to get my drug protocol would be unnecessary when I could get it done over the phone and then just come in for the ultrasound. They were good enough to get me in touch with a nurse over the phone. She called me back with the protocol (way more pills this time round), made sure I had enough drugs (I did), and told me when to call back for an ultrasound appointment. I felt good about it and went ahead as planned.

Ultrasound day came along and I show up, tell the ultrasound tech what day of my cycle I’m on, and that I am simply there to see if I can build a lining. I get the test done. No problems so far. The tech wont discuss results with me. Understandable. So I have to wait for the nurse/doctor to see me. I waited for about half an hour for the ‘doctor’ to see me with the results. I use ‘air quotes’ because I am not sure if he was a doctor at all. He certainly wasnt my doctor. But he did wear a white coat. He mentioned his name but mumbled it so I didnt quite catch it. Anyways, he comes in and asks what I was there for. Once again I explain I was told I needed to do a lining check and thats why I had come. Did I mention that he had his handy electronic ipad-like doo-hickey that he is looking at the whole time. I may be just a layman who doesnt get how hospitals work, but I thought that might have my file on it, with my history and the notes from my previous doctors visits so that he could look it over to confirm what I was saying.

He looks at his doo-hickey for a bit, then says that I should come back in two days for another check. (At this point I already knew this was going to end badly because he didnt get what I was here for, but I kept calm…). I asked him if this was the case then, what should I be taking in the way of drugs for the next two days because the protocol I had been given had ended that same day. He looked confused. Then looked at his doo-hickey again. And asked what I was doing the lining check for again. (Apparently, my english is not very good) I explained, again, that Dr. G asked me to do a lining check because he was concerned that I could not build one. I had done a test a few months ago, and this was the second time round with a higher dosage to see if there is a change. The ‘doctor’ looks at his doo-hickey says no there is not enough lining, come in and see Dr. G. Fantastic. You were absolute fuck all useful. And told me about as much.

I was mad at his attitude and complete incompetence in knowing my file, despite him having it in front of him. I did not even think to ask him how much the lining actually was. I wish DH had been with me. I just left. I didnt say much. No point in telling an idiot that doesnt listen that he is an idiot that doesnt listen.

Dr. G is very knowledgeable. Knows his stuff and is no doubt very good at what he does. However the staff at the clinic leaves much to be desired. As a ‘special case’ they dont seem to know how to handle me and my ‘test lining’. If you are looking at my records, then please read them before you open your mouth to speak. I just didnt get a good feeling that day and dont feel that I should be giving them a small fortune if they are not even going to know my head from my tail.

To top it all off, a couple of days letter I did actually get my period. It wasn’t a heavy one, but it was more than the last time, and This meant I did indeed build a lining, and a thicker one that before. It just solidified the gut feeling I got from my meeting.

After that I decided to ask my family doctor for another referral. I have been debating about where else to go. The good thing with ISIS was that they have links to a donor egg bank, which I may need. Not sure how many other clinics in the area offer that same service. I have heard much better things about Hannam and was considering them, but I dont think they do egg donations. I have just been tossing these things around my head the past few months. I finally made an appointment with my family doc to get those referrals.

Now that I think it over, maybe talking with Dr. G might not be so bad after all. I like him. I just didnt like that one guy. So maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge. It is just that this is a lot of money that I am going to spend. I want to be 100% confident in what I get.